my weekend in summary

this weekend is a long one. and even though i work weekends (and stat holidays), there's still something about weekends (long weekends at that) that makes me feel like holing up, wearing sweatpants, talking to my parents on the phone, and making lasagna from scratch (including tofu ricotta).

some photo shoots before my weekend begins officially - i love my job; complimentary cocktails at an event at Sutro hair salon - win, in my books!; they managed to wrangle me into their chair. hair, nails, cocktails, and some false lashes; the beautiful city as my friend susan and i walk along the seawall. i love grey days like this; we are both obsessed with chesnuts. so when we found roasted chesnuts on the street, we were like small children; finally back to beading. i'm feeling creatively 'stuck'; flowers sometimes help.

hope everyone had a great weekend!

things i'm in love with

this week i made a commitment to myself. a commitment to my happiness, and to making time for myself. it's been a crazy week (as i always seem to say, don't i?), and i anticipate many MANY more to come. which is great. crazy means busy which to me, often translates into lots of friends, and social events, and things i'm committed to making amazing.
so. some things that i love this week.
well. first off. an easy one. i LOVE that i'm getting to go see one of my best friends in the world, in california, at the end of this month. i'm literally watching the website search for flights, as i write this entry. and that - to me - equates to happiness. this year, she sent me a birthday card with a mini whoopie cushion. how's THAT for someone who 'gets' me??

this amazing video, that shows us that when we remind people of who they are, and what they are worth, there is a moment of recognition for who they are to themselves.

these two awesome kids. who i think we should ALL aspire to be a little more like.

this incredible piece of literature called '9 songs that redeem all boy bands'. art. pure, and uninhibited love through art, these men are sharing. triumphant pieces of human spirit, drawn through pain and anguihs. and sometimes - nay, MOST TIMES - pure poetry. (and rap. some rap.). (and yes, i did ensure all of these songs were promptly on an itunes playlist for future swooning).

hope everyone has a great weekend!

i'll never be able to do it right.

you know when you just wish you were alexa chung, and you could create a book of things that just happened in your brain?
for example. mine would look a little bit like this:
chapter 1: dating mishaps, and all the things that have occurred jamie shea's love life (including a guy who broke his best friend's ankle in my honour, and the really beautiful and dim as the lowest setting on a lamp dimmer guy)... including stories never before released to friends as they are THAT ABSURD and ridiculous.
chapter 2: bands i really like - not arranged by genre, or date of album release, or anything other than when i think of them. OH. and how good their 90's videos were (like, for example, 5ive would win, with THIS incredible video. bowling alley? check.

chapter 3: photos of really cute animals doing really cute things (exhibit a.)

chapter 4: serious things that have happened to me in life (guys - i can be serious!)
chapter 5: riddles, jokes, brain teasers, more jokes (man, i love jokes), and maybe some sudoku.
chapter 6: maybe some observations from public transportation. because we all know how many stories come from a bus ride through the 'rough part of town'.
chapter 7: fiction. about anything really.
chapter 8: a compilation of the last year of my horoscope. with a related daily journal - just to see how the stars lined up.

but actually - i started a course last night, and we were asked to set an intention. things we intended to attain by the end of 3.5 months. one of the things on my list - something that i've been grappling with a lot lately - was writing. writing everyday. being proud of my writing. sharing my writing. making writing a habit, and a priority. most of my concern comes when people ask me, 'what do you want your book to be about?', and i have no response. because i don't have a single solitary clue what i want it to be about.
and at the end of the day, i have to make that not matter. because when that matters, i spend hours thinking and stressing about what to write, what steps i can take, and i torture myself when i don't do it 'right'.
well. here's to not doing it 'right'. here's to simple doing it. and enjoying the ride. and who cares what it ends up looking like.

all i know is, if i end up HALF as happy as that adorable little piglet, i'll be winning. 

today.

today, i did something totally and utterly ridiculous.
true - i'm known for this. i'm known for making moves that are irrational and illogical. i'm known for fighting against the current, and for delaying the inevitable with hilarious attempts at counter cultural slides and bargaining tools.
so today - not unlike many other days - i made a ridiculous move. not unlike quitting my job, selling everything i owned, and moving across the country with no job or place to stay, or... anything, today i voluntarily offered myself up for complete and utter failure. and, if i'm being completed and utterly authentic, it scares me totally out of my brain.
and yet, i did it. and sometimes, that's enough.

this should be good.

on writing a book.... one day at a time.

here's the thing about wanting to be a writer.
you have to actually write.
so when you make excuses for not having written in your blog for almost 3 weeks - things like, 'work's been super busy,' and 'i have just been exhausted lately,' and 'i've had lots of out of town visitors' - you are actually just making excuses for why you're not doing something you love. and that thing you love is that thing you REALLY do want to do. so why the excuses?
i've learned that quite regularly coming up with reasons why something will fail, will prevent me from hurting my ego when it does. when i fall on my face, and that thing i've invested myself in doesn't end up working, it's no biggie - i didn't want it all that much anyways. i was super busy; i had visitors; i was exhausted and focusing on getting into shape. and you know, had i ACTUALLY had time to focus on it, then it would have probably worked out.
it wasn't my fault.
but here's the thing about life - it is what we make it. or, in other words, IF YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER, YOU HAVE TO WRITE.
i spent the afternoon with a dear friend yesterday, and i told him it was a goal of mine to write a book. he told me how much he loved that i had a blog, and the reason was because it meant that even if i had nothing to write about, i still had a space to write. even if it were nothing-ness (which it often is).... i still wrote.
you can imagine the pang i felt in my stomach/heart (you know - that exact place that goes 'PING' when someone holds you accountable for something you know you haven't been holding yourself to?) when the words left his mouth. it felt a bit like shame, mixed with embarrassment, mixed with anger (at myself), mixed with a slight complimentary affection towards him... but mostly shame.
oh for crying out loud jamie. JUST. WRITE.
there's this fine line between writing for the sake of writing, and the guilt that weighs on you, when you have committed yourself to writing, and it just doesn't happen.
so, here's to holding ourselves responsible for the standards we set only for ourselves.
and here - this giant cheers here - here's to loving ourselves enough, to set time aside for the things we love... even if it means falling flat on our faces a few times while we do it.

(and maybe there will be a book or two documenting my failures 5-10 years). (jaime - i know you're reading this... so hold me to it).