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find my guest writing at ambition in transition (profile here):
article on dressing the (corporate) part  //  article on a small business on the side  //  article on maintaining friendships in a cyber based world  //  article on living an outdoor lifestyle in a big city  //  article on the tenants handbook in etiquette  //  article on managing work life balance here
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(contact thackeray's vanity)

"the roller-coaster ride of a single gene through time."

i just finished reading middlesex by jeffrey eugenides. my mom suggested it to me, because (in her own words), "[i was] the only person [she'd] ever met who has used the term 'intersex' prior to reading this book". i guess that was my indication that my sociology radar would be twitching, in reading through the novel. that, and my love for 'virgin suicides' led me to pouring over this book - with a hope that i would fall in love, the way i did with the former.
written about a greek family, starting from the very beginning, the book revolves around a man named cal, and his upbringing as a young girl named calliope. however, the book begins with grandparents, and then parents, and incorporates a large portion of the family's greek background, as it plays a large part in the novel.
i will admit - it took me months to read. i'm an atypically quick reader - I was reading far earlier than normal, and my parents used to get angry at me because i would buy books and read them too quickly. so months to read a book - for me - is lengthy. the book took a lot of my effort to become invested in - the history at the beginning of it all was a bit much for me. i admit it - i'm not a history buff, and though i love it when it's a huge part of the story, i found there was little to be said for the integration of the history used in this novel, and the story itself. overkill maybe?
nevertheless, once i got about 1/3 or half of the way through, i was hooked... but had i not had the previous experience with the virgin suicides, and my mom's (and her book club's) promotion, i wouldn't have made it. it was exhausting to read, long, verbose, and not entirely engaging.... until about halfway through. then, i have to say, i wanted nothing more than to finish the book - which is saying a lot about a book i almost left at home at the halfway point.
it's worth a read. if you have the time, you love history, and genetics, it's a fantastic story. eugenides quite obviously spent years researching this book (it took him 9 years to finish), and it shows. it's a beautiful reflection of rebirth and creating an identity... as well as the 'american dream', and it's truths, harships, and the holes in its logic. by the end, i enjoyed it.
some of my favourite quotes in the book:
“I live my own life and nurse my own wounds. It's not the best way to live. But it's the way I am.”   
_______________

“But in the end it wasn't up to me. The bigs things never are. Birth, I mean, and death. And love. And what love bequeaths to us before we're born.”
_______________

“Regret, already sogging me down, burst its dam. It seeped into my legs, it pooled in my heart.”
_______________

"the vast reading room thrummed with silent energy: people thinking, writing. the painted cieling bellied overhead like a sail, and down below the green desk lamps glowed, illuminating faces bent over books. i was stooping over mine, my hair falling onto the pages, covering up the definition of myself"
if you're a history buff, and are interested in social constructs of gender - or just the idea of coming to know oneself at a few moments in life, and how that transpires - the book is worth the read.

my (august long) weekend in summary

this weekend was half crazy busy, livin' like a university kid, and half super slow and lazy, living like a (kinda sorta) grown up. it was a good balance. and a much needed relaxation and celebration weekend.
new beading adventures - going to be good stuff; building pieces on a sunny saturday morning; the ladies in 'beautiful' dresses; she's going to be a beautiful bride; kim's cell phone - they seem to be getting bigger and bigger; ugly/awesome dresses - the only way to celebrate a bachelorette; jake's sign for kim to wear all night; in case you forgot, bri has a 'bun in the oven' (award for best bachelorette trooper goes to...); a little ukelele between sister in laws; VIP with strawberries, free drinks, and giant men; henry the fiesty kitten; taco salad at home. 
friday: leaving work, my plan was to venture on a calm shopping trip to the eaton's centre to see if i could find a top for the wedding of the summer... and received a message from my friend saying i needed to come partake in the consumption of some cider with her. so i embarked on a solo LCBO mission, and met her for some cheap chinese food takeout, cider, and vent session all night long. i left fairly early for a friday, and arrived home, got in bed, and managed an early bedtime for a friday. yay me!
saturday: woke up pretty early, put on my bathing suit, and gathered my beading things for some outdoor bead adventuring. my landlord's dad was in town, so he spent some time serving me OJ and club soda, and trying to convince me to become a fly fish lure maker (listen - this may end up being a viable option for my future!), and chatting about life. i fixed some goodies, made some new stuff, and played around with some new supplies i had just picked up. had a long chat with my landlord, and then finally threw a bag together for the remainder of the weekend. after a quick stop to pick up my copilot for the trip, we headed out to london for my friend (jake's fiancee) kim's bachelorette. we arrived in time for some dinner, to throw on our hideous outfits (as directed by the 'ugly dress bachelorette' invite), and have some drinks. after some major pre-bar dance partying, and other shenanigans, we headed out - on a 4 bar downtown london tour... including new friends, VIP service, and a line of high fives all the way out of the final bar. we all cabbed home, and after ravaging the leftover food, we were all out pretty quickly in our respective sleeping places (some of us on floors, air mattresses, in cars, etc.).
sunday: woke up very early (considering our 4am bedtime), and tried desperately to sleep longer. the, spent the morning rehashing the evening's events, cleaning, organizing, and packing our things before we headed home. again, dropped brianne off at home, and travelled back in the rainy weather to jeff's place. after a short night's worth of sleep, i was ready for a nap... and did so promptly. once i woke up, and the sun was back out, we played with the babe kitten that his brother was fostering until he was old enough to adopt, and then walked over to the grocery store for dinner preparation items. made a huge mexican food feast of homemade taco bowl/salads, and ate too much (shocking). we spent the rest of the evening just hanging around, watching some olympics, and not doing a whole lot of anything. after the previous night's escapades, i was ready for bed before midnight.
monday: woke up after almost 11 hours of sleep (i KNOW), lounged around a bit, had a bite to eat, and then headed to the mall to find a wedding outfit appropriate for next weekend's wedding. compiled a mix matched outfit of plaid and grey (you can all hear my heart beating loudly - perfection), and then had lunch before the post shop grump set in. after a failed attempt to find a park to nap in, we ended up at a friend's house - where him and his girlfriend happened to be outside. the four of us went for a drink on a patio to enjoy the sun, and chatted about his new BB gun purchased (we were all a little to excited about the idea of shooting pop cans). after dropping them off, (and a quick side road pullover to ease my sudden freakout about the future) the remainder of the day consisted of pool swimming and lounging, and watching dexter while being lazy. we had dinner, and watched some olympics, and then just hung out. again, an early to bed night after exhaustion and slight sickness has been dragging me down.
it was a good weekend. it was an eventful, and enlightening weekend. it was filled with good talks, good friendship, and good planning for the future (even though i'm a little unsure about what that future holds). it was one of the best weekends in a while. i hope all y'all would agree. 
in other news, today i was alerted to 2 particularly important 'articles' (reflections) that are extremely relevant to my life right now.... and i want to share them.
an article by jessica pearce rotondi on what she knows about having a sister now that she's in her 20's
AND
an article from dan levy on toxic friendships... and shedding unwanted friendship pounds. 
perfect end.

a weekend to unwind

things that are needed: a decompression weekend.... and healthy food to heal my poor, abused body.
'me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow'
henry david thoreau
this weekend will involved playing around with new craft materials - think, leather pendants people. excitement! - a bachelorette to balance the bachelor party from a few ago, and then some hiking, and general relaxation for the first time in a while... can't. wait.
hope everyone has a GREAT, relaxing, fantastic, long weekend (if you're not in canada.... play like it's a long weekend!)
photo: flickr

a feeling that can't be shaken.

i came home about a week and a half ago.
and for about a week and a half, i've been unable to shake the feeling of blasé that seems to have accompanied me home. 
         blasé [ˈblɑːzeɪ] adj
1. indifferent to something because of familiarity or surfeit
2. lacking enthusiasm; bored
i'm lacking enthusiasm. i'm indifferent due to familiarity. i'm bored. 
and it's not from lack of trying - going out, engaging in new projects, talking new ideas for jewelry, and plans for the week upcoming. and it's safe to say i'm the first one to point out to others that there's no reason to plan for and dream of a future, if it only follows a present with nothing to fill it but empty wishes. so i try my hardest - to live the life i'm in today. living in the moment is important to me, and always has been. i've always made logical decisions, but rarely turn down an oppourtunity to go see a last minute concert, or go grab a drink with a friend only in town for a night. those oppourtunities pass quickly, and we only regret the chances we didn't take. 
image from pinterest
and yet, there is some part of me looking out for something else. something that won't let go. 
i'm not yet sure if it's a feeling of knowing comfort (a large reduction in physical pain) and other sources of happiness in another place, and having to leave it - across the country. i can't yet tell if it's returning home, and walking through my daily steps of a life i'm happy with - entirely happy with - but a little lacklustre about. i don't know if it's knowing that fulfilling my own commitment to happiness is changing any boredom i encounter and dressing it up with only purely enriching experiences.
these are all things that i have yet to figure out. 
but whatever it is, it's all a process. they are all steps in the grand scheme of things. and for me, i'm working on wearing multiple hats. not in the typical, 'jamie has many jobs' way, but in the mind-in-love-with-many-places-and-people-at-once type of way. knowing how to enjoy a space that is your own - your home - and give enough of your energy to loving it, while balancing an innate longing, and love for another time and place. it's a process that takes time, and there
what part of humanity longs for another we do not have?
why do we all seem 'doomed' (though that may be a bit of a strong word) to want the grass on the other side of the fence? why can't we just stop looking, and turn to our own yards - our yards (lives) that we've worked hard to cultivate, and enrich? by living purely in the future, and with hopes and plans of the future, we may miss out on simple things that bring joy to our day-to-day - the best smoothie you've ever made (something different about today's smoothie, compared to the ones you have every other morning); the way that your friend laughs truly and heartily when you recount stories of travels; the way a friend says they miss you, and you know they really mean it; the joy that comes from discovering a new shop, or a new route home in a city you've lived in for years. all of these things can become lost, if we spend those minutes, hours, days thinking only of what is coming next.
image from pinterest
why can't we find comfort, beauty, and an unappreciated love for the mundane - as long as it's on a path to creating, shaping and developing a beautiful life?
i'm going to leave things on this note - a charles bukowski poem that was featured in a levi's ad recently. call me crazy, but this summarizes to me a perfect plan of action. to not fall into a place where mediocre is good enough. to take chances on those things that bring incremental rays of light into a life - whether large chances, or small seemingly insignificant ones. to fail, and learn. to identify when an opportunity is presenting itself. and to embrace all of these things into a life that will eventually lead to a place where you are finally totally and entirely happy. 
and so, i will go forth. take chances. enjoy the light that currently exists. and take chances on the possibility of more light.

your life is your life  //  don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission  //  be on the watch  //  there are ways out  //  there is a light somewhere  //  it may not be much light but  //  it beats the darkness  //  be on the watch  //  the gods will offer you chances  //  know them  //  take them  //  you can’t beat death but  //  you can beat death in life,  sometimes  //  and the more often you learn to do it, the more light there will be  //  your life is your life  //  know it while you have it  //  you are marvelous  //  the gods wait to delight in you
i challenge you for just today. just one moment. take it in. and without thinking about tomorrow, this weekend, next week, next month, or 5 years from now.... just think about today. think about now.