'you spend your days waiting for time to make you wise | you lie to yourself about anything you want'
i've been reading a lot of 'thought catalog' lately, and to be honest, submitted a few pieces - not that i expect them to go up, but it's a good starting point. nevertheless, i've been so inspired by many of the writers on the site... some funny, some much smarter than me, some poigniant, and some just plain truthful. a few writers in particular made me laugh, cry (ok... mist), think, and nod. most importantly....
gaby dunn wrote this piece on the bystander effect, and reminded me of things i hadn't thought about in a while... invigorated a love in me for sociology... and showed me it was possible integrate my love for narrative story telling with my love for the fascinating side of humanity.
tessa schoenrock shared a scientific inventory of my purse - and let me tell you: we are the same person. amazing. she made me laugh out loud - and usually only i do that to myself. she made me fall in like, with her writing on things that most people know, but no one wants to say out loud... like being pretty can sometimes suck, which i'm sure garnered more than a few negative comments. but hell - is all so true.
and - the reason for my writing... bart schaneman made me first think about when i was 17. then i read his blog. and combed through entry after entry after entry... his language is outstanding... and pure truth. i can only dream of finding the words to no less than perfectly describe those moments of silent feeling, and recalled anguish.
so many of his pieces - poetry, stories, essays - meant so many things to me. maybe it was because we have experienced similar emotions, thoughts, experiences. maybe it was because he speaks to the still moments in time that few of us ever really reflect on. whatever it is, he does it best. the best i've ever seen. and so much of his writing said things to me.
but this. this, is pure perfection. this is exactly what means something. this is... life.
gaby dunn wrote this piece on the bystander effect, and reminded me of things i hadn't thought about in a while... invigorated a love in me for sociology... and showed me it was possible integrate my love for narrative story telling with my love for the fascinating side of humanity.
tessa schoenrock shared a scientific inventory of my purse - and let me tell you: we are the same person. amazing. she made me laugh out loud - and usually only i do that to myself. she made me fall in like, with her writing on things that most people know, but no one wants to say out loud... like being pretty can sometimes suck, which i'm sure garnered more than a few negative comments. but hell - is all so true.
and - the reason for my writing... bart schaneman made me first think about when i was 17. then i read his blog. and combed through entry after entry after entry... his language is outstanding... and pure truth. i can only dream of finding the words to no less than perfectly describe those moments of silent feeling, and recalled anguish.
so many of his pieces - poetry, stories, essays - meant so many things to me. maybe it was because we have experienced similar emotions, thoughts, experiences. maybe it was because he speaks to the still moments in time that few of us ever really reflect on. whatever it is, he does it best. the best i've ever seen. and so much of his writing said things to me.
but this. this, is pure perfection. this is exactly what means something. this is... life.
cherries - by bart schaneman
'I left my jacket on the chair but I can’t go back to her.
We stay in Portland and the rain.
We send messages with the subject line: New York City.
We get caught wishing someone had told us what we were in for.
The women you knew don’t care enough now to save you.
You spend your days waiting for time to make you wise.
You lie to yourself about anything you want.
You tell yourself people improve with age.
Take the risks that are available.
We look at our feet all day.
We concede what’s been done.
We let our troubles keep us scared.
Stay in touch if you can stomach the messages about new relationships.
Be happy for each other if you like pain in your moving on.
Pledge not to write about people and break your promise.
On the same day the unrequited love writes you
with news of the love of your life’s new boyfriend
you get a message from a girl who doesn’t speak English.
There are so many ways to say hey.
A lover that may or may not be sends you one word
in the middle of the night:
cherries.
To tell you what
I did when I was with you
would only widen the wound.
What could you say to make me stay in Korea when New York is waiting.
The nearest we come to traveling
is dreaming ourselves into
places we’ve never been.
They’re not parting shots when you’re already gone.'
i know i have a fickle heart, and a bitterness
i just can't help but be heartbroken over this song.... it's so... right. when she sings 'i know i have a fickle heart, and a bitterness'.... it hits a bit too close to home for my liking. note to self: get over the fickle heart, and the bitterness. maybe things will start turning out ok. maybe not, but it's worth a try. worth giving people a shot, and not holding them responsible for other people's mistakes. "When will I see you again? | You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said | No final kiss to seal anything | I had no idea of the state we were in | I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness | And a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head | But don't you remember? Don't you remember? | The reason you loved me before | Baby, please remember me once more | When was the last time you thought of me? | Or have you completely erased me from your memory? | I often think about where I would roam | More I do, the less I know | But I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness | And a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head | But don't you remember? Don't you remember? | The reason you loved me before | Baby, please remember me once more | I gave you the space so you could breathe | I kept my distance so you would be free | And hope that you find the missing piece | To bring you back to me | Why don't you remember? Don't you remember? | The reason you loved me before | Baby, please remember me once more | When will I see you again?"
my (sick/injured and filled with football) weekend in summary
great weekend... though things did not go as i had planned.
Saturday: woke up in a TON of pain, and figured something was wrong – went to the drs, and found out I had hairline fractures in my hip and vertebrae. Luckily nothing huge, but since I was also getting sick, it meant taking a few more drugs (pain killers, etc) than I normally would have liked. Then met up with 3 of my lovely man friends to head to our annual university friend holiday party – postponed from December. We finally got to meet my lovely friend’s son and spend some time with them… then, when they took off, we watched football – both the incredibly exciting saints/49ers game and then my pride and joy, the new england/broncos game (and a beautiful win by my pats), ate chili, and then danced the night away to music from our university years. It was a great night… as it always is. Went to bed not as late as I expected we would, which was good, as I felt like my cold was getting worse.
Sunday: woke up to the sounds of breakfast being prepared, and felt awful (cold-wise – not hungover). Ate breakfast with my extended university family, and then after goodbyes, we headed out. Dropped the boys off, and went home and slept. For a long time. Unfortunately, as a result, missed the ravens/texans game. then headed up to my landlords place to watch the remainder of the giants/green bay game (poor aaron Rodgers), and eat tomato soup from a can (best sick guarantee). Chatted for a bit, watched some modern family, and then headed downstairs and to bed.
Unfortunately, the massive amounts of sleep didn’t help, and I spent Monday off work. Sleeping, eating soup, and sleeping more.
brady – ready to go; our grocery shop – really important food groups, and the super looper game; meeting our first university nephew for the first time – the boys; our little nugget; speaking with our long distance love all the way from Norway; our game faces; the blowout; the boys who helped me through university - J3; little sleepy heads; dance party! (ish); our new game - marbleshooting at a bunch of spots for the marbles to land in (the name leaves a bit to be desired, but 'super loopers' wasn't working for us) ; cheers - to us. to longevity in friendship, to costain for coming so far, to cait and matty and their little nugget, and to everyone for doing the holiday party year after year after year, and continuously making it a priority.
Friday: after a LONG day at work, I met a few colleagues for drinks at the rex. Just a few drinks to balance the day of crazy. Then, I headed home, grabbed a few things, and went out to my friend Erin’s place for dinner. We grabbed a few groceries, and then made mini gnocchi with wine sauce and veggies – to. die. for. Had some wine, chatted lots, and ate more. Erin’s friend Nicole joined us a bit later – all of us fully equipped in sweats – and we had a good old fashioned girls night. Filled with dancing (on couches – not at bars – to my ‘hardcore’ playlist… ha!), wine, and chatting. Ended up home late late late, and had a major spill on ice. Figured I was hurt, but went to bed after being helped home by a cab driver. Saturday: woke up in a TON of pain, and figured something was wrong – went to the drs, and found out I had hairline fractures in my hip and vertebrae. Luckily nothing huge, but since I was also getting sick, it meant taking a few more drugs (pain killers, etc) than I normally would have liked. Then met up with 3 of my lovely man friends to head to our annual university friend holiday party – postponed from December. We finally got to meet my lovely friend’s son and spend some time with them… then, when they took off, we watched football – both the incredibly exciting saints/49ers game and then my pride and joy, the new england/broncos game (and a beautiful win by my pats), ate chili, and then danced the night away to music from our university years. It was a great night… as it always is. Went to bed not as late as I expected we would, which was good, as I felt like my cold was getting worse.
Sunday: woke up to the sounds of breakfast being prepared, and felt awful (cold-wise – not hungover). Ate breakfast with my extended university family, and then after goodbyes, we headed out. Dropped the boys off, and went home and slept. For a long time. Unfortunately, as a result, missed the ravens/texans game. then headed up to my landlords place to watch the remainder of the giants/green bay game (poor aaron Rodgers), and eat tomato soup from a can (best sick guarantee). Chatted for a bit, watched some modern family, and then headed downstairs and to bed.
Unfortunately, the massive amounts of sleep didn’t help, and I spent Monday off work. Sleeping, eating soup, and sleeping more.
I hope everyone had a GREAT weekend – filled with as much football and friends as me, but much less sickness, and injury. and now. to enjoy the playlist that erin and nicole and i did on friday.
to making wrong choices
happy weekend!
sometimes wrong choices lead you to the right places - and one of mine lead me to a new great friend.
this weekend, i'm spending friday building forts and drinking wine with someone who i can now call a great friend - erin. then saturday will be our annual university friend holiday party, with new babies in tow! and photoshoot extravaganza on sunday. filled weekend. with awesomeness.
have a good weekend all!
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| image from my pinterest |
this weekend, i'm spending friday building forts and drinking wine with someone who i can now call a great friend - erin. then saturday will be our annual university friend holiday party, with new babies in tow! and photoshoot extravaganza on sunday. filled weekend. with awesomeness.
have a good weekend all!