2011

2011 in summary - what 2011 meant to me...

as with last year, i truly believe that reflection on your place in life, and what that brings, is the reason we are given touch points - yearly reminders of where we once were.

"the most beautiful people we have known, are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. these persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. beautiful people do not just happen."
elizabeth kubler ros.
this year has been indescribable. emotional roller coasters, lots of great trips, standing by 2 people who are completely and utterly important to me, while they gave their wedding vows... all of these things contributed to the person i can see in the mirror today. i will encapsulate 2011 as a great year. a lot of things happened. but without those things, what would life be worth?
Valley: in fighting with my sister, i realized that sometimes - as the result of being a person who doesn't share their emotion - people can't tell when i'm hurting, and how badly i'm hurting. when people don't know, they can not possibly be prepared to hold out their hands, in help. so at times, when i was at deep lows, i was left alone. it took a lot to realize that if people don't know - if i don't reach my own hand out for help first - people have no idea how to get me out of the valley. i'm better prepared, sitting in the dip of the valley, to reach out, and ask for help.
Mountain: continued back issues, felt like a continuous uphill battle - always in pain, hitting a plateau, working my butt off to try to feel better, and to no avail. however, that climb made it easier to make my own decisions - to quit the cane, to avoid walking with a limp, no matter how badly it hurt. all of those moments of pain, and frustration, gave me the guts i needed to work against the steep mountain i was grasping at, and kick the shit out of the incline. i know i'm better for it.
Swiftly moving rivers: this year, i actually committed to becoming involved in things that actually mattered to me. and if that meant no spare time, sobeit. the internship, the planning of the art/jewelry show, the commitment to building my jewelry brands re:claim and thackeray's vanity, delving into new projects with people i respect (more on Alex and my project in 2012), and dedicating time to writing things that matter. and i loved every second of it. but trust me - when you have that many things on the go, the days move quicker than you ever thought possible. and again, i loved every second of it.
Calm streams and ponds: this year, i actually took moments to myself. and - better yet - non drug induced moments. i painted in parks; i sat for hours and designed, and created; i read books, and wrote poetry; i dedicated myself to writing things that mattered, even if it got me in trouble.... and those moments in time where i was completely and utterly alone? those moments helped me to be the best version of me possible. and i will commit to spending more of these moments in 2012. 
Sunrises: beginnings of friendships, relationships, new babies, new oppourtunities, and new days. many many new days, that provided a new oppourtunity to do something different. to be brave. 
Sunsets: the loss of a political leader, and hero; the realization that i'll never travel the way i used to, run the way i used to, or do many things the way i used to; the acknowledgment of the closing of one chapter of my life. 
but the beautiful thing about sunsets? they always make way to sunrises. 
(last year's post)
// all photos from the 365q project

2011 in summary - my favourite memories of 2011

last year, right before the new year, i compiled a list of memories that made me smile from the year before... and i like that that did... it reminded me that despite what may have seemed like a dismal year, there were plenty of good things.

this year, i will do the same.
so.... my favourite memory from…
January: despite being at the peak of my pain, i spent a ton of time with friends. i really pushed myself to get out of the house. i also got to spend a lot of time with my family after Christmas, which is unusual. Missy's dance show, babysitting, LOTS of vegan cupcakes, and birthday parties. i got a good reminder of how much i LOVED life as a student.
February:  though i was REELing from my car being broken into, i had no time to think about it... as my little niece was born on February 7th (also my sister's birthday). she's been simply one of the most incredible things to enter my life. i'm constantly reminded of the blessings i have... through all of my nieces and nephews - and she was no exception. plus - it was the first time a child was named after me... and for that, i was honoured.
my new little niece GMAA
March: quite simply, in and amongst the back, food poisoning, and some other wonderfully hilarious things, i got to spend time with friends. every chance i get to spend time with my laurier friends, is a lucky one. the weekend that 4 of us did a road trip for a st paddy's adventure (not on st paddy's day) was a wonderful reminder to me.
laurier friends at our impromptu st paddy's celebration
April: again, despite the car accident i was in with 2 of my cousin's over Easter, April marked the 1 year anniversary of the closing of la perlerie - the bead store i worked in. the store - though seemingly insignificant as a part-time job - was life changing, as it solidified my love for jewelry and creations, as well as introduced me to some of my best friends in the world.
plus! i got my new computer, AND celebrated the 30th birthday of a great friend slash big brother... who i am also VERY lucky to have (and was exceptionally lucky to have in high school as a guardian).
mike's 30th birthday
May: and again, disaster. i found out i owed a ridiculous amount of money in income tax, because the company i work for had not been charging me enough for the past 2 years. however, the highlight? mini olympics with laurier friends... and finding out that the first of my friends (my very first roommate from university and my good friend matty) were going to have a baby!
mini olympics in May
June:  i not only got to spend an entire weekend with my little niece, but also got to spend another weekend at our annual family picnic... which i am so lucky to be able to have. so many families have so many issues and - though we have MANY of our own - our family is one who sticks together, and loves spending as much time together as possible.
family picnic
AND i got to go on my first trip since i hurt my back - to visit my mom's side of the family in sault ste marie. indescribable.
sister, cousin and i in sault ste marie
i got my first taste of what it was like to be a writer... with negative backlash to something i wrote. the most interesting part was that the entry solicited not only angry backlash, but the most positive response i have ever received from friends and readers throughout cyberspace. it was empowering, to say the least.
July: it was almost like all the bad culminated in july to produce one of the best months ever. i not only got to spend a week 'camping in luxury' with some of my best friends in the world, but i also got to visit friends and my sister in vancouver, as well as a quick jaunt to vancouver. in between then, since i was in mega planning mode for my lovely friend Mary's wedding, we did a little bachelorette, AND shower. how could i pick just one thing??
August: easy. Mary got married. no question the best moment of my summer. though it was a whirlwind 3 days, involving a bit of drama on wedding day, and not a lot of sleep overall, the whole weekend was amazing, beautiful and so worth every second of every day. i only wish it could have been longer, so i could have spent longer with the amazing people i got to meet, and, of course, 2 of my favourite people in the world - mary and reuben. then, to top the month off with a million jays games? perfection.
the wedding party
i will also say - though this isn't my favourite memory - that august also brought sadness, as my hero, jack layton, passed away from cancer. i could go on and on about what this meant to me, but i did so immediately, right then and there. my reflections here.
September: i got to spend an EARLY 30th birthday with my dear friend cole, AND i had another addition to my barage of nieces and nephews - the 4th of the clan was born... and i was yet again, elated.
cole's birthday speech
new niece - GSLP
October: spent this month, and the next exploring what it meant to be me. made some MAJOR life decisions.... and, to be honest, spent this month just enjoying happiness for the first time in a long time. i also got to spend thanksgiving with my mom's family, for the first time in a LONG time, with my friend denver. the weather was perfect, and man... my family is amazing.
thanksgiving campfires
November: annual movember, and another baby born. tons of time with nieces and nephews... and lots of love to share. i am a lucky woman.
December: december is obviously filled with amazing Christmas visits, food (lots of food), etc. but i also got to see bon iver for the first time, in what could easily be described as one of the best concert experiences of my entire life. it was perfection. like a snapshot in time that i'll hold true, after the rest has been left to embers. our little nugget was also born - our university friend's son... the first baby in that group of friends, which was surely cause for celebration.
i also coordinated my first art/jewelry show... which was daunting, time consuming, and in bad timing.... but it went off as expected, and with some success. a good moment of encouragement for more shows to come.
alex and cat at 'a curious gathering'
it was a year. a good year. a year of cottage visits, mexican madness, another birthday, time with nieces and nephews, some pain - physical, emotional, and heart related - but above all, it was a year for life changing moments with friends and family. and 2012 will be no different.
what are your favourite memories of 2011?

2011 in summary - (quote)

last year was a big one... and to summarize, i looked at all of the small things that meant big things along the way. this year is no different. there were a lot of big moments.

a few of those big moments were... 
best moment of joy: moments with friends - too many to count - family, babies, and small moments where i was truly happy. though sometimes these moments are taken away, we still have the memories... i play these moments like films in my mind.
hardest moment of pain: my car accident in april, over easter. and the continued uphill battle with my back, as well as the onset of more continued health issues (that had previously given me a break, while my back was healing).
favourite memory of laughter: i spent Mary's entire wedding doubled over (and not in pain!). her and reuben - and all of their friends - make me laugh harder than ever before. i also have memories of laughter with my roommate, new friends (of friends), and with my church friends who i haven't seen forever, and saw for the first time, together, again a few weekends ago. we laughed until we couldn't breathe. now THAT is a good life.
largest lesson learned: the pain won't go away... but the attitude is a changeable factor. my back pain has definitely improved, but one of the largest lessons for me this year - that took quite some time to learn - was that it won't go away. instead, i have to learn to live with the constant shooting pains, and learnt o manage my mood so as to not alienate others.
largest lesson taught: my sister and i had a falling out this year - she had a tough time understanding things with my back, as she was away in Vancouver, and i couldn't understand her lack of empathy. after a long phone conversation many months after it started, we came to an understanding - and i think she became a lot more aware of what it was that was going on in my head. i simply said to her, "i just wanted you to ask, 'how are you' and that would have been enough". that was a big one for both of us.
hardest goodbye: jack layton passed away this year... and though it seems like an insignificant goodbye, it was a huge loss to the political world... as well as Canada, and Toronto on the whole. he was an amazing citizen, who shared my vision that it is our responsibility as part of humanity to do good for others. i reflected on his death here.
favourite hello: when my little sister moved back from BC - after spending almost a year there, during one of the hardest times of my life. also, meeting my 3 new nieces - G, G, and M.
most important movie to me this year: like crazy - for all the things it meant to me, and left me with. though, watching one week (though it didn't come out this year) provided me insight to a few things as well... and some plans for the future.
favourite song of the year: this is a tough one. it always is. i think it would have to be 'no one's going to love you' by band of horses. for many reason's. but mostly because it's complete and utter heartbreaking perfection. with both the good and the bad of love. and we all know that too well...
what memories are you leaving this year with?
(last year's post)