2011 in summary - what 2011 meant to me...

as with last year, i truly believe that reflection on your place in life, and what that brings, is the reason we are given touch points - yearly reminders of where we once were.

"the most beautiful people we have known, are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. these persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. beautiful people do not just happen."

elizabeth kubler ros.

this year has been indescribable. emotional roller coasters, lots of great trips, standing by 2 people who are completely and utterly important to me, while they gave their wedding vows... all of these things contributed to the person i can see in the mirror today. i will encapsulate 2011 as a great year. a lot of things happened. but without those things, what would life be worth?

Valley: in fighting with my sister, i realized that sometimes - as the result of being a person who doesn't share their emotion - people can't tell when i'm hurting, and how badly i'm hurting. when people don't know, they can not possibly be prepared to hold out their hands, in help. so at times, when i was at deep lows, i was left alone. it took a lot to realize that if people don't know - if i don't reach my own hand out for help first - people have no idea how to get me out of the valley. i'm better prepared, sitting in the dip of the valley, to reach out, and ask for help.

Mountain: continued back issues, felt like a continuous uphill battle - always in pain, hitting a plateau, working my butt off to try to feel better, and to no avail. however, that climb made it easier to make my own decisions - to quit the cane, to avoid walking with a limp, no matter how badly it hurt. all of those moments of pain, and frustration, gave me the guts i needed to work against the steep mountain i was grasping at, and kick the shit out of the incline. i know i'm better for it.

Swiftly moving rivers: this year, i actually committed to becoming involved in things that actually mattered to me. and if that meant no spare time, sobeit. the internship, the planning of the art/jewelry show, the commitment to building my jewelry brands re:claim and thackeray's vanity, delving into new projects with people i respect (more on Alex and my project in 2012), and dedicating time to writing things that matter. and i loved every second of it. but trust me - when you have that many things on the go, the days move quicker than you ever thought possible. and again, i loved every second of it.

Calm streams and ponds: this year, i actually took moments to myself. and - better yet - non drug induced moments. i painted in parks; i sat for hours and designed, and created; i read books, and wrote poetry; i dedicated myself to writing things that mattered, even if it got me in trouble.... and those moments in time where i was completely and utterly alone? those moments helped me to be the best version of me possible. and i will commit to spending more of these moments in 2012. 

Sunrises: beginnings of friendships, relationships, new babies, new oppourtunities, and new days. many many new days, that provided a new oppourtunity to do something different. to be brave. 

Sunsets: the loss of a political leader, and hero; the realization that i'll never travel the way i used to, run the way i used to, or do many things the way i used to; the acknowledgment of the closing of one chapter of my life. 

but the beautiful thing about sunsets? they always make way to sunrises. 
(last year's post)

// all photos from the 365q project