unbrelievable wrote this blog entry about dating guys who don't want a relationship.... called the, 'get out of jail free card'. that person (guy, in her case) who for whatever reason, does not want to be in a 'relationship' - whether it be other girls, work, life, etc. and that once those words leave 'their' mouth, they are no longer responsible for what happens after that. they were honest. they were blunt. they did their due diligence. and now they can proceed with whatever arrangement the two people have, with no responsibility for the hurt that may follow on the one side - the side that accepted the 'get out of jail free' card, and thought that that person may eventually get there. with enough work.
but i will also say this. sometimes, that person, will have the card pulled on them. by the one person who they may actually be ready for a relationship with. and they will hurt as much as they have hurt everyone before.... so trust that they (I) will get theirs.
i did. and it hurt.
i love reading stuff like this. because it gives me the alternative perspective.
i'm the one with the 'get out of jail free card'. i'm the one who never wants a 'relationship'. who wants to be free of titles, definitions, boundaries, the responsibility. i have been known to tell guys that they are 'not special'. that they will not be the one who finally ties me down.
i never understood what guys didn't get about that - what was so hard to understand when i said that. what made them - despite my saying that i was going to be single, and not tied down - think that they would be the one to tie me down. if only they did this, this, or this.
and so, interesting to read unbrelievable's take - and a lot of it due to the fact that guys don't talk about these things, but it doesn't mean that they don't feel it.
in all fairness, i don't think of it like a 'get out of jail free' card - though, now that she's described it as such, i can see where she's going with it. i certainly don't think of it as a way to get me out of responsibility in terms of lying, cheating, taking advantage, etc. to me, it's honesty. it's about communicating where i am at in life, and what that means to them as a secondary party. it communicates that i'm selfish in the way of 'dating', and that i have a hard time focusing my attention on someone else... unless i'm really going to 'commit' to them.
however. to those out there who have been there - who have had someone say that to them - please understand this. because i can say from the other perspective... it's true:
"if you know you are ready for a relationship, and it is something you really want, then do not accept this card. You can roll the dice and continue to date them, take the time to try for doubles, but in the end you are going to end up disappointed if they don’t. And trust me, there is a high probability they won’t. Either they man up, and pay the $50 to leave their jail of baggage behind, or you leave them behind. Your emotions aren’t ready for someone who isn’t ready to love you."
i will also say that sometimes, that person (*cough*me*cough*) has been emotionally destroyed at some point.... and the fight to put up with the aftermath of that, often turns to that person playing the field to rebuild confidence, or just regain a sense of 'self' that they lost when they put their trust in another person for once.i did. and it hurt.