i was scrolling through one of my favourite blogs - http://www.unbrelievable.com/ - and a newly written post caught me.
but it's in this paragraph that she catches it... not necessarily specifically in regards to cheating - but moreso the feeling of not leaving a relationship that's already gone. and the fear that accompanies that. i've felt it. i've written about it. but thank you breanna - for expressing it ever so eloquently.
"I will admit, I have cheated. I will not say on who, or when, but I want to provide some insight from the other side as to why I did it. Flat out, I was extremely insecure and immature. The prospect of being alone terrified me, but more importantly I hadn’t reached an awareness to give me the strength to admit that I was in a relationship I no longer wanted to be in. Rather than coming to terms that the love was lost, and my heart wasn’t in it anymore, the only way I knew to get out was to find someone else to be my solid, tangible reason to leave. Rather than taking that valuable time to myself to look back and reflect on how that past relationship changed me, I quickly moved on to fill my heart with excitement, high on the rush of new lust, the prospect of love. I was getting the attention that I once had. The attention I needed. Craved. Desired. I felt wanted again, things were exciting, things were new and different. I felt safe and confident. Two men loved me, two men desired me. If I didn’t have one, there would always be the other. I had a masked sense of security, one that was completely unfair to both parties, unfair to myself. I put myself in that eternal category of dishonesty. I was a cheater."
but it's in this paragraph that she catches it... not necessarily specifically in regards to cheating - but moreso the feeling of not leaving a relationship that's already gone. and the fear that accompanies that. i've felt it. i've written about it. but thank you breanna - for expressing it ever so eloquently.
"I will admit, I have cheated. I will not say on who, or when, but I want to provide some insight from the other side as to why I did it. Flat out, I was extremely insecure and immature. The prospect of being alone terrified me, but more importantly I hadn’t reached an awareness to give me the strength to admit that I was in a relationship I no longer wanted to be in. Rather than coming to terms that the love was lost, and my heart wasn’t in it anymore, the only way I knew to get out was to find someone else to be my solid, tangible reason to leave. Rather than taking that valuable time to myself to look back and reflect on how that past relationship changed me, I quickly moved on to fill my heart with excitement, high on the rush of new lust, the prospect of love. I was getting the attention that I once had. The attention I needed. Craved. Desired. I felt wanted again, things were exciting, things were new and different. I felt safe and confident. Two men loved me, two men desired me. If I didn’t have one, there would always be the other. I had a masked sense of security, one that was completely unfair to both parties, unfair to myself. I put myself in that eternal category of dishonesty. I was a cheater."