I've entered the dating world again. It's the first I'm fully willing to admit it. And it's few and far between. And not very serious. But I've done it.
I've always liked 'dating'. And I could never put my finger on what to respond with when people asked me why. I think I've realized I like it because I have yet to find 1 man who can fulfill all my needs/wants. At one point in university, I was dating 6 very specifically personified guys, and it occurred to me that if I could find a man who was all of these guys combined into one, I have to marry that man. Immediately.
Guy #1: watched/talked basketball with; laughed with
Guy #2: Could argue politics (but I was still a bit smarter than him)
Guy #3: Extremely active; ran almost every day; very motivated to be successful; outdoorsey; very sweet in terms of making cards for no reason, holding hands, etc.
Guy #4: huge ego booster; is still chasing me to this day (it's been 6 years); what girl doesn't want a guy around to tell her she's perfect every single day of the week?
Guy #5: would laugh forever with; had the same sick twisted sense of humour
Guy #6: religious; very traditional (i.e. respectful, and would hold doors, pay for things, drive 2 hours to visit me on a weeknight)
I think maybe that's where my 'fear' of commitment comes into play… I'm afraid that if I settle down for someone, I'll miss out on someone who is a tiny bit traditional, or who I can laugh with, or who I can argue about politics with… as though there's a tradeoff between all these characteristics that I don't want to have to give up.
So good luck to me. Because so far, I'm batting in the low hundreds. And have spent the last week running - both literally (to stop myself from crying) and figuratively (from admitting how I feel). Yikes.
I've always liked 'dating'. And I could never put my finger on what to respond with when people asked me why. I think I've realized I like it because I have yet to find 1 man who can fulfill all my needs/wants. At one point in university, I was dating 6 very specifically personified guys, and it occurred to me that if I could find a man who was all of these guys combined into one, I have to marry that man. Immediately.
Guy #1: watched/talked basketball with; laughed with
Guy #2: Could argue politics (but I was still a bit smarter than him)
Guy #3: Extremely active; ran almost every day; very motivated to be successful; outdoorsey; very sweet in terms of making cards for no reason, holding hands, etc.
Guy #4: huge ego booster; is still chasing me to this day (it's been 6 years); what girl doesn't want a guy around to tell her she's perfect every single day of the week?
Guy #5: would laugh forever with; had the same sick twisted sense of humour
Guy #6: religious; very traditional (i.e. respectful, and would hold doors, pay for things, drive 2 hours to visit me on a weeknight)
I think maybe that's where my 'fear' of commitment comes into play… I'm afraid that if I settle down for someone, I'll miss out on someone who is a tiny bit traditional, or who I can laugh with, or who I can argue about politics with… as though there's a tradeoff between all these characteristics that I don't want to have to give up.
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| originally on vab22's tumblr |
So maybe we need to realize that instead of being afraid of committing, we just have to be firm on only committing to a person who fulfills all the requirements of our list. And just date and have fun in the meantime - meet new people, and realize what is important to us. until then, why on earth have I been selling myself short? I guess if I ever find that guy, who is the combination of all those guys, I won't feel like I'm missing out, or like there are so many more people to meet.
I think a lot of girls will just date the first guy who wants to date them - and this makes me sad. I'm picky, but until now, never been so picky as to want all of the characteristics above. I learned through a few situations recently that those who fill the order - the one that sounds like a starbucks latte request - will be the ones who tear you up inside - but could also be the ones who in the end are worth it. And even if it's not that one particular person in the moment, it will just be someone better.
Don't get me wrong - I am not jumping at the idea of marriage. I can't imagine finding that one person who I could put up with for 50 years of marriage, and who could put up with me. And who could fulfill all of those small things that I need in a guy. I guess I never really thought that I would get married - not sure I will. Maybe that is some deep rooted worry that no one will ever love me. Or maybe my thought process works more like this: rather not get married, then get divorced because I got bored. I have a 2 year itch problem... That and, I like the power in a relationship. And a stay-at-home dad. So a guy with no ego. Like steve from sex and the city. Apparently this is a tall order.So good luck to me. Because so far, I'm batting in the low hundreds. And have spent the last week running - both literally (to stop myself from crying) and figuratively (from admitting how I feel). Yikes.