i will have a warmed neck.

with all the spare time i have now, i have been trying to be as productive as possible... making gifts (jewelry), trying to get some knitting done, cleaning, wrapping, etc.
neckwarmer from windowsill on etsy
i have revisited my love for knitting, and am trying to get a few pieces done... and i'm looking to finish a few things inspired by circle scarfs, or button up scarves.
a neckwarmer by the lovely julia of minecreations
also looking for some good buttons to finish my neckwarners off.

2010 in summary - what 2010 meant to me...

“to laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children… to leave the world a better place… to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded”
-       Ralph Waldo Emerson

Maybe because I have a ton of time on my hands, or maybe because I’m not particularly satisfied with where I am in life right now… but for whatever reason, i’ve spent large amounts of time reflecting on this year… 2010 was a crazy one. It was filled with valleys and mountains, swiftly moving rivers, as well as calm streams and ponds. It was filled with sunrises and sunsets, starry skies, and lunar eclipses. With memories of birthdays, funerals, recovery and illnesses. It’s hard to go a full year, without all of the above.
One relationship ended, but with that came different relationships – deeper ones with friends, closer ones with family, and a more mature and complex one with greig.
Another relationship began and ended – with more sadness than I ever imagined could come from so much happiness. Friendships flourished and wained – I experienced moments of frustration, joy, pain, laughter, pride, sorrow. I experienced ups and downs in health, and with that came worries and nerves emotionally – about the future, and what that meant. I initiated projects at work, and I worked late. A lot.

Valley: searching for a place to rent and depending on others to live on their couches. Putting myself in a vulnerable position in order to be good to myself, and trust that my friendships would provide the support that i needed.
Mountain: to move forward over health issue after health issue... and to keep climbing when i was told that mountain will turn into a cliff shortly. and learning to grab hold as hard as i can... to pull myself back up.
Swiftly moving rivers: work has drawn me along in and amongst the waves... and i found myself working late nights, and stressed out... and yet the excitement keeps me going. allows me to escape reality.
Calm streams and ponds: i regained an appreciation for reading, and sitting still, when i hurt my back. time for me. which is a lesson i needed to slow down... 
Sunrises: beginning of a new relationship; the beginning of my friendship with the ‘sphectrum’
Sunsets: the end of greig and my relationship as we knew it; the end of another relationship… which I am still waiting to see the sunrise again after.

each year provides us with the oppourtunity to renew what we have... and i will be using this new year as mine... to renew what is important to me. to use what i learned to be the best me i can be - and be true to myself... and move forward with strength.

2010 in summary - my favourite memories of 2010

i have gained a lifetime of experiences from the year 2010... more than, perhaps, a person could expect to be able to handle in a year. but among those that were a challenge, were those that were worth the memory... those that make me smile when i remember... those that make me thank God every day for the people in my life, and the oppourtunities that i am able to experience.

so.... my favourite memory from….
January: my life changing trip to seattle. it brought so many things to light - to the forefront... and changed everything about my life as i knew it. though it spun my life out of control, it was the thing i needed to push me to start taking responsibility for my own life... it was the benchmark for 2010. what a way to start.
February: the olympics. the winning. the patriotism. the displays of pride and love. the sports - ohhhhh the sports. 
March: my lovely friend mary got engaged... and i had the luck of being able to celebrate with her and her lovely (now) husband ruben. perfect.
April: panama with the family – in and amidst the turmoil going on in my life, it was a much needed week away from real life, and a much needed week to reconnect with my family. Also being able to explore the wonderful panama – with everything that it could show to me at a time when I needed to be reminded of everything I had, instead of dwelling on everything that was crumbling down around me.
May: I spent may living on couches, while looking for an apt. some of the best moments of May were attributed to my finally allowing myself to be vulnerable, ask for help, and share some (though very few) emotions.
June: the G20 in toronto. though it did cause some nervousness among many, i loved being part of history... part of chaos. when everything was going awry in my life, it was nice to look to the world to see how much things go up and down on a regular basis. 
July: july was full of blissful 'like'. i spent this month enjoying moments with someone who i cared deeply for - and despite the pain that followed, it was worth every moment. every dinner. every walk. every conversation. every laugh. every movie, tv show and shared silent moment. and for the first time in a long time, i was truly happy.  it was 2 months of pure bliss.
August: August was a tough month for me – one of the hardest I’ve had in a long long time (with tons of sorrow to follow through the next few months)… but a cornroast and family weekend was exactly what I needed at the end of August. Time to get away, time to reflect. Time to be sad. Time to be removed from everything that I was heartbroken about.
September: September was a tough month this year, because of health concerns, matters of the heart, and my little sister heading out to school out east – but I was still blessed in being able to spend a weekend walking 60km to help raise money and awareness for women’s cancers. I spent the weekend with amazing women and men, and one of my best friends in the entire world.
October: homecoming weekend - it was the first weekend since i had graduated that i returned for homecoming. I was able to spend time with some of the people who meant the most to me over my university career... and enjoy being a kid again - despite everything else that was going on in my life. a chance to get away, and forget about it all, if only for 2 days.
November: a tie - between my trip to Cali, and my participation in the fitness challenge at work. i not only spent an amazing 4 days with someone who means so much to me in california, and got to get away from all that was hurting... but i got to focus some attention on my health - in a way that i could control. despite my back injury that resulted from the fitness challenge, it brought me closer to a few people from work, and gave me some power back... after i felt so much was lost in and amongst my health issues.
December: besides the obvious – Christmas with the family – I love spending every holiday season with my friends from university. Our yearly holiday gathering is always my highlight… and a perfect summation and reminder that I am the luckiest person in the world, as I have the best friends that anyone could ever have. I’m not sure why they put up with me, but I can only hope I can continue to trick them into it!

2010 in summary - 'i'm climbing mountains on my own'

2010 brought a lot for me... a lot of moments of happiness, sadness, illness, health, smiles, laughs, and tears. 
A few of those big moments... 
Best moment of joy: small moments in june, july and august. never under appreciated.
Hardest moment of pain: my physical pain in november, and emotional pain in august - from both heart and health.
Favourite memory of laughter: when I spent 4 days with my little miss mary d in California. I said to her before I left, “I don’t remember the last time I laughed so hard for no reason… I needed this. Thank you”. That summed it up… she messaged me a couple of weeks later, and said, “I miss laughing for no reason”. I love laughter with a good friend.
Largest lesson learned: i can't do it all myself. also the hardest lesson i ever learned. and am still learning on a regular basis.
Largest lesson taught: that you can't be productive, or make anyone else happy unless you are happy. I had three close friends who were experiencing extremely difficult relationships... and i think that being there, and simply sitting with them to remind them that the most important thing is your own happiness. otherwise, what else matters?
Hardest goodbye: to my sister Kelly, who left for Vancouver right after Thanksgiving… I cried, and there weren’t even sports involved.
Favourite hello: to my new friends.... i made tons of new friends this year - some who had been around, and i became closer with, and some who were new to me... all friendships that have been important in my growth, development... and to be the true me.

# of mins spent on the phone: 1955.20 (min)
most important movie to me this year: sandlot. 
favourite song of the year: how to choose?? ray lamontagne... 'this love is over'