I’ve done it again.
I have a huge attachment to my hair.
In certain ways, that is.
And yet, I sometimes just get the urge to go in, and take it all off. I’ve done it 3 times before… and all three times, though I was happy when it started growing/feeling long again, I loved the feeling – the freedom – that came with watching the scissors cut through my hair, and watching my hair swoop forward at my chin. It’s a bit of a shocking feeling, and a rush that perhaps someone who has never used hair as a security blanket, has never experienced before. As though I didn’t need the hair anymore… as though I was a person without it. As though I could go on, and people would forget what I looked like with long hair… and forget any definition they had of me with long hair – making my self-definition about me, more than the hair.
So I did it again. For the 4th time, I chopped it. I was waiting for it to be long long long, I got there, and then got the urge again to chop it. It’ll probably be the last time in a long time, as I love my hair long… but I tend to get these feelings of selfishness when my hair becomes long. As though I don’t deserve long hair anymore than those who have conditions deserve to have hair.
Choppy choppy – I am now sporting a Katie Holmes-esque look. And already praying for it to grow back quickly.
In the meantime, anyone have any ‘grow out’ cuts? Joking! But really.
I have a huge attachment to my hair.
In certain ways, that is.
And yet, I sometimes just get the urge to go in, and take it all off. I’ve done it 3 times before… and all three times, though I was happy when it started growing/feeling long again, I loved the feeling – the freedom – that came with watching the scissors cut through my hair, and watching my hair swoop forward at my chin. It’s a bit of a shocking feeling, and a rush that perhaps someone who has never used hair as a security blanket, has never experienced before. As though I didn’t need the hair anymore… as though I was a person without it. As though I could go on, and people would forget what I looked like with long hair… and forget any definition they had of me with long hair – making my self-definition about me, more than the hair.
So I did it again. For the 4th time, I chopped it. I was waiting for it to be long long long, I got there, and then got the urge again to chop it. It’ll probably be the last time in a long time, as I love my hair long… but I tend to get these feelings of selfishness when my hair becomes long. As though I don’t deserve long hair anymore than those who have conditions deserve to have hair.
Choppy choppy – I am now sporting a Katie Holmes-esque look. And already praying for it to grow back quickly.
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| image from topnews.in |
"Your hair, it's everywhere. | Screaming infidelities | And taking its wear."
- Screaming Infidelities, Dashboard Confessional