every now and then, i hear a song that i swear was written about me... often we hear songs that we can relate to, that make us feel better because it lets us know that someone else has been through it...
however, every now and then i hear a song, and i feel as though someone from my life - past or present - has taken time after their common or specific interactions with me, and written a song about it. i felt a lot like that after discovering dave matthew’s band 'grey street'. I don’t think I really ‘heard’ that song until after my first heartbreak in second year university. I spent a long time alone in my room, listening to david gray (this year's love), ben harper (another lonely day, of course) and dave Matthews band.
Over. And over. And grey street simply seemed to be written about my feelings about the situation at that moment, my feelings I harboured towards myself in general… and thus the outcome of my future in love and life. I didn’t realize that the words written on the walls of my rented room (written previous to my moving in) were going to adequately describe my feelings in those moments… “There's an emptiness inside her. And she'll do anything to fill it in”. a friend of mine even told me at one point that when he heard this song, he thought of me – how heartbreaking, when a friend sees this sadness from so far away… and thinks of me when a song describes it so well.
Then – recently – I experience my 2nd heartbreak. And all those feelings came rushing back. And although this time it was less of david gray, dave Matthews and ben harper I listened to, and more of ray lamontagne (are we really through), jack Johnson (angel), and MBF (suzie).
and then a friend sent me this song… a few weeks ago. And while I’m still heartbroken, but in that stage of realization, where the hurt becomes reality and you just learn to live with a pain in your heart every day, because you know it won’t go away anytime soon. And he sent me this song. And again, I had that moment of realization, in which I feel as though someone has seen the other side of me.
and though the song doesn’t relate to a specific situation for me (though… it does relate in a way I wish not to explore), there was a portion that could have been taken from my life.
however, every now and then i hear a song, and i feel as though someone from my life - past or present - has taken time after their common or specific interactions with me, and written a song about it. i felt a lot like that after discovering dave matthew’s band 'grey street'. I don’t think I really ‘heard’ that song until after my first heartbreak in second year university. I spent a long time alone in my room, listening to david gray (this year's love), ben harper (another lonely day, of course) and dave Matthews band.
Over. And over. And grey street simply seemed to be written about my feelings about the situation at that moment, my feelings I harboured towards myself in general… and thus the outcome of my future in love and life. I didn’t realize that the words written on the walls of my rented room (written previous to my moving in) were going to adequately describe my feelings in those moments… “There's an emptiness inside her. And she'll do anything to fill it in”. a friend of mine even told me at one point that when he heard this song, he thought of me – how heartbreaking, when a friend sees this sadness from so far away… and thinks of me when a song describes it so well.
Oh look at how she listens | She says nothing of what she thinks | She just goes stumbling through her memories | Staring out on to Grey Street. | She thinks, "Hey, how did I come to this?" | I dream myself a thousand times around the world | But I can't get out of this place. | There's an emptiness | inside her | And she'll do anything to fill it in | But all the colors mix together - to grey | And it breaks her heart | How she wishes it was different | She prays to God most every night | And though she |wears it doesn't listen | There's still a hope in her it might | She says "I pray oh But they fall on deaf ears | am I supposed to take it on myself? | To get out of this place? " | Oh There's a loneliness inside her | And she'll do anything to fill it in | And though it's red blood | bleeding from her now | It feels like cold blue ice in her heart | When all the colors mix together - to grey | And it breaks her heart | There's | a stranger speaks outside her door | Says take what you can from your dreams | Make them | real as anything | Oh It'd take the work out of the courage | But she says "Please | There's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door | I live on the corner of Grey Street | and the end of the world." | Oh there's an emptiness inside her | And she'll do anything to fill it in | And though it's red blood | bleeding from her now | It's more like cold blue ice in her heart | She feels like kicking out all the windows | And setting fire to this life | She could change everything about her | Using colors bold and bright | But all the colors mix together - to grey | And it breaks her heart | It breaks her heart | To Grey
And then time passed. It got easier to hear these songs. Easier to forget that they described me, and how I felt in a moment – or in the case of grey street, how I felt about myself all the time. “She thinks, "Hey, how did I come to this? I dream myself a thousand times around the world.
But I can't get out of this place.”
But life goes on. And you learn to move forward, pushing back against those feelings of pain, inadequacy, ache, and loneliness. And new friends come along, new relationships, new hurt, and you are able to forget a little bit what you discovered about yourself. Then – recently – I experience my 2nd heartbreak. And all those feelings came rushing back. And although this time it was less of david gray, dave Matthews and ben harper I listened to, and more of ray lamontagne (are we really through), jack Johnson (angel), and MBF (suzie).
and then a friend sent me this song… a few weeks ago. And while I’m still heartbroken, but in that stage of realization, where the hurt becomes reality and you just learn to live with a pain in your heart every day, because you know it won’t go away anytime soon. And he sent me this song. And again, I had that moment of realization, in which I feel as though someone has seen the other side of me.
and though the song doesn’t relate to a specific situation for me (though… it does relate in a way I wish not to explore), there was a portion that could have been taken from my life.
“Maybe tomorrow will be better | Can I call you then | Cause I'm a ramblin' man | I ain't ever gonna change | I gotta gypsy soul to blame | And I was born for leavin' (born for leavin')”
What can we gain from these songs of self reflection? A mirror turned back on ourselves showing the imagine we care not to see… maybe this means I need to revisit those songs that meant something to me in 2nd year, 3rd year, 4th year, and look for what else they said. And with them, find a way to look back, and break from that person in those songs.