This was another book I read while on vacation… and without getting into much detail, this book resonated so loudly for me. I found myself reading my own thoughts in a lot of phrases, paragraphs, chapters. A lot of it has to do with James Frey's writing style and how my mind works (I think in one long run on sentence), but it also had to do with his descriptions… blunt, simplistic, and yet so meaningfully beautiful.
I have to admit that I avoided this book like the plague when oprah touted it… but when she turned her nose up at it, I was intrigued… but wanted to wait it out (ps. Good for Frey for capitalising on Oprah's stupidity!!). Then I was given 'bright shiny morning' for Christmas by a friend… and LOVED it. So… I went out and bought it. Ready to dig in. For those of you who have/had an addict in your life… this book will give you a glimpse into the mind of someone who gets it, but doesn't know how to care. For those of you who have tried to understand why I am the way I am, his descriptions may as well be a snapshot of my mental state.
I wish I could give a proper lit. review… but this book meant more to me than a piece of literature… so I'll just leave it at quotes….
Opening quote:
"the young man came to the old man seeking counsel. 'I broker something old man.' 'how badly is it broker?' 'it's in a million little pieces.' 'I'm afraid I can't help you.' 'why?' 'there's nothing you can do.' 'why?' 'it can't be fixed.' 'why?' 'it's broken beyond repair - it's in a million little pieces.'"
"there is no higher power or any God who is responsible for what I do & for what I have done and for who I am"
"there is no higher power or any God who is responsible for what I do & for what I have done and for who I am"
"We stayed together for a while, but we weren't really together, we were just sort of each other's habit. In her case it was a bad habit, in my case it was a good one."
"we were naked in bed, and I was ok, and I looked into her eyes. She has these eyes, very blue, not like yours, but lighter and more like ice, and I looked into them and I said I love you. She didn't say anything back. She just stated at me with those eyes, and they were cold and empty and far away, and they looked as if what I had said had made them sick. I had thought for a long time that if I could be with her that she would be enough to make me straighten myself out. I had thought for a long time that somehow she could save me. When I was impotent with her, and I knew I had failed and it was over, I knew that I would never be anything but a drunk, impotent embarassing asshole, and that I might as well start seriously trying to kill myself with alcohol and drugs. So I did, and everywhere I went I saw her eyes, and when I think of her I still see them, her eyes at that moment when I told her I loved her, and I could see that I made her sick."
"I stare into blackness. It offers nothing. I am flooded with the feelings I felt with her they come back just as strong. Humiliation, embarassment, shame, helplessness, impotence."
"we were naked in bed, and I was ok, and I looked into her eyes. She has these eyes, very blue, not like yours, but lighter and more like ice, and I looked into them and I said I love you. She didn't say anything back. She just stated at me with those eyes, and they were cold and empty and far away, and they looked as if what I had said had made them sick. I had thought for a long time that if I could be with her that she would be enough to make me straighten myself out. I had thought for a long time that somehow she could save me. When I was impotent with her, and I knew I had failed and it was over, I knew that I would never be anything but a drunk, impotent embarassing asshole, and that I might as well start seriously trying to kill myself with alcohol and drugs. So I did, and everywhere I went I saw her eyes, and when I think of her I still see them, her eyes at that moment when I told her I loved her, and I could see that I made her sick."
"I stare into blackness. It offers nothing. I am flooded with the feelings I felt with her they come back just as strong. Humiliation, embarassment, shame, helplessness, impotence."