This weekend I was directed to a blog - you know when people say timing is everything, and things happen for a reason? Man. Talk about perfect timing for this blog in my life.
This girl is from toronto - amazing. She talks about restaurants in toronto. She has a great sense of humour. She makes lists. She blogs about stupidity, and other hilarious mundane facts. She blogs about herself. I love her. She also seems to put into words exactly how I feel about "relationships" and "dating". I'm going to read her blog daily. And also note my favourite entires:
"The 5-second rule of dating" - talks about different relationships, and their mourning period. When do we just let the jellybean stay on the floor?
This girl is from toronto - amazing. She talks about restaurants in toronto. She has a great sense of humour. She makes lists. She blogs about stupidity, and other hilarious mundane facts. She blogs about herself. I love her. She also seems to put into words exactly how I feel about "relationships" and "dating". I'm going to read her blog daily. And also note my favourite entires:
"The 5-second rule of dating" - talks about different relationships, and their mourning period. When do we just let the jellybean stay on the floor?
The Dragged Out Relationship: We all know it. The one where no one is surprised when it ends, including yourself. You have stopped having sex, you have gotten extraordinarily comfortable, and, if you fight at all, it’s usually in efforts to try and make an excuse to end it. Mentally, the relationship had ended ages ago, but the timing finally aligned itself and you are free.
Time Frame Recovery? This one is usually out of respect for the other party involved. You have become their best friend, you still love them, but mentally you are ready to move on almost immediately. Speaking only in terms of literal relationship ends here, as most of the mourning of the relationship is done while still in it.
The Passionate-Couldn’t-Quite-Get-The-Rest-Of-It-Right Relationship: If you haven’t experienced this type of relationship, I hope you do because it might be the best teacher of life lessons. Can we say Drama? This is the shit that movies are made of. The screaming and crying in the rain, only to be followed by a dramatic, passionate kiss. This is the rollercoaster of emotions relationship. It leaves you questioning your sanity, brings out sides of you that you may never have known existed. It’s draining, exhausting, yet thrilling. It will never sustain and last, but it teaches you all you need to know about what you need in a relationship, and what you absolutely don’t need. This relationship ends not because you don’t care for each other anymore, but because you have both become so exhausted, that it has to.
Time Frame Recovery? These bad boys are always the longest. Hell, the breakup time usually exceeds that of the actual relationship itself. They are the most emotionally involving, and the break up usually corresponds to the relationship — DRAMATIC. These are where the late night phone calls come into play, the late night emails, the late night booty calls. All that passion, it’s nearly impossible to diffuse. This relationship is best followed with a calm, sensible, mature relationship.
The One Sided Break Up: Do I need to say more?
Time Frame Recovery? If you are breaking up with them, you are completely emotionally detached at this point, so it’s fair game. The rule is DO NOT hook up with their friends. It’s in poor taste. If you are broken up with? Rebound like crazy, especially with their friends. I kid. But bring on the ice cream, and single friends and go buckwild.
Time Frame Recovery? This one is usually out of respect for the other party involved. You have become their best friend, you still love them, but mentally you are ready to move on almost immediately. Speaking only in terms of literal relationship ends here, as most of the mourning of the relationship is done while still in it.
The Passionate-Couldn’t-Quite-Get-The-Rest-Of-It-Right Relationship: If you haven’t experienced this type of relationship, I hope you do because it might be the best teacher of life lessons. Can we say Drama? This is the shit that movies are made of. The screaming and crying in the rain, only to be followed by a dramatic, passionate kiss. This is the rollercoaster of emotions relationship. It leaves you questioning your sanity, brings out sides of you that you may never have known existed. It’s draining, exhausting, yet thrilling. It will never sustain and last, but it teaches you all you need to know about what you need in a relationship, and what you absolutely don’t need. This relationship ends not because you don’t care for each other anymore, but because you have both become so exhausted, that it has to.
Time Frame Recovery? These bad boys are always the longest. Hell, the breakup time usually exceeds that of the actual relationship itself. They are the most emotionally involving, and the break up usually corresponds to the relationship — DRAMATIC. These are where the late night phone calls come into play, the late night emails, the late night booty calls. All that passion, it’s nearly impossible to diffuse. This relationship is best followed with a calm, sensible, mature relationship.
The One Sided Break Up: Do I need to say more?
Time Frame Recovery? If you are breaking up with them, you are completely emotionally detached at this point, so it’s fair game. The rule is DO NOT hook up with their friends. It’s in poor taste. If you are broken up with? Rebound like crazy, especially with their friends. I kid. But bring on the ice cream, and single friends and go buckwild.
"The first date faux-pas" - not only a hilarious first date story, but also rules for first dates. And subsequent dates. And rules that should never ever be allowed to go out of style. i.e. I always want to go to a nice place for a date. Not fancy, but somewhere with some thought. Somewhere in between 9 months and 1.5 years, this falters, and people start getting 'comfortable'. Stupid - take me somewhere worth some thought.
While I fully admit to not being the greatest date of all time, there are some obvious things that many guys do, that are a faux pas on a first date.
Venue Selection: This is key. No one wants to be taken to a complete dive bar, unless it’s only for a drink. If the restaurant you have in mind is well known for it’s after 2AM rush, chances are you shouldn’t take a girl there.
Conversation Topics: While some people say you should steer clear of politics and religion, I think it to be the opposite. It’s nice to feel out what their background is, and find anywhere you might clash beforehand. It’s not cool to tear into the other person’s job, or hobbies, right off the bat. Light, gentle teasing is fair game, but making someone legitimately feel bad about something is bad form.
Communication Method: Call, don’t text. Sure, we are in the digital age, and everything is communicated via a Tweet, Text or Facebook Status, but there are some things that you need to go back to the roots for. I can’t tell you how nice it feels to have a boy call me, and not text me, to set up something. You can hear their voice again, and get a sense of their mood and personality.
Payment: Did you ask her out? You should pay. Always. After a few dates, I am all for splitting the bill, but there isn’t a girl out there who wouldn’t love being treated on a date. I honestly will sometimes take it as a sign that you don’t like me if you don’t treat me. I’m a strong minded woman, independant, blah blah blah, but I still love to be wined and dined. Chivalry is not dead, some just choose to ignore it. The best tactic I’ve seen? He used to always pay the bill while I was in the washroom. Smooth.
Kiss or No Kiss: Feel out the date. Has she touched you at all? If she has, even in the slightest way, she’s into you. If she cuts the date short, and says she has to be somewhere else, then it’s a good idea to save the kiss. There is only one thing that’s worse than going in for the kill if she’s not into it, and that’s not going in for the kill if she is. Make that first move if you are into her, otherwise she’ll assume you aren’t. "
Venue Selection: This is key. No one wants to be taken to a complete dive bar, unless it’s only for a drink. If the restaurant you have in mind is well known for it’s after 2AM rush, chances are you shouldn’t take a girl there.
Conversation Topics: While some people say you should steer clear of politics and religion, I think it to be the opposite. It’s nice to feel out what their background is, and find anywhere you might clash beforehand. It’s not cool to tear into the other person’s job, or hobbies, right off the bat. Light, gentle teasing is fair game, but making someone legitimately feel bad about something is bad form.
Communication Method: Call, don’t text. Sure, we are in the digital age, and everything is communicated via a Tweet, Text or Facebook Status, but there are some things that you need to go back to the roots for. I can’t tell you how nice it feels to have a boy call me, and not text me, to set up something. You can hear their voice again, and get a sense of their mood and personality.
Payment: Did you ask her out? You should pay. Always. After a few dates, I am all for splitting the bill, but there isn’t a girl out there who wouldn’t love being treated on a date. I honestly will sometimes take it as a sign that you don’t like me if you don’t treat me. I’m a strong minded woman, independant, blah blah blah, but I still love to be wined and dined. Chivalry is not dead, some just choose to ignore it. The best tactic I’ve seen? He used to always pay the bill while I was in the washroom. Smooth.
Kiss or No Kiss: Feel out the date. Has she touched you at all? If she has, even in the slightest way, she’s into you. If she cuts the date short, and says she has to be somewhere else, then it’s a good idea to save the kiss. There is only one thing that’s worse than going in for the kill if she’s not into it, and that’s not going in for the kill if she is. Make that first move if you are into her, otherwise she’ll assume you aren’t. "
"My most common dating mistakes" - I mostly appreciate this because I do so many of these things… it's hilarious. Though I haven't been on many "first dates" i do know this... I drink too much, I talk too much, and I share too much. I live in abundance. Not in the good way.
1. I get drunk on the first date: Yup. Almost a guarantee. I get nervous, and when I’m nervous, I drink to calm the nerves. This doesn’t apply to good versus bad dates, it’s almost every date. If it’s a good date, I want it to go longer, so I go for an extra round. Or 12. (That’s what she said?). If it’s a bad date, I want to at least make it not a complete waste of a night and make it a party. Once, this paid off in his favour as it seemed I drank until he was cute. He got a kiss he would not have otherwise. Let that be a lesson to me.
2. I talk way too much: I hate awkward silences. So I fill them with potentially awkward conversation. I also have a problem where if I really like you, I will talk about myself a lot in efforts to try and convince you I am super awesome. It’s not because I’m disinterested in you, I just want to make sure you are interested in me. Usually this is counterproductive and you think I am conceited. Most of the times, I just don’t know what else to say (which is a sign of a bad date typically). Also, the more number 1 up there I get, the more this happens.
3. I will bring up ex boyfriends: Again, this is usually a sign of a bad date all together, but if the conversation is lulling, and I can’t think of anything else to talk about, my ex boyfriends slip into the conversation. At this point, a red light should be going off, because this likely means I am comparing you to them. Which is a huge date mistake. I have some pretty hot cool ex boyfriends. I don’t give you a fair chance.
4. I lie: I have NO idea why I do this one, but almost every single date I lie about at least SOMETHING. Nothing crazy huge, like dealbreaker stuff, but the stupidest shit. That’s why I don’t get why I do it. My last lie was definitely pretending to know the band Atlas Sound when it was playing. He said "do you like these guys?", and instead of doing the logical thing and saying "I like this song, who are they?", nooo of course I needed to sound cool and said "Oh yeah, I love them. Great album". Then, when he went to the bathroom I quickly pulled out Shazaam on my iPhone and figured out who they were so I could not sound like an idiot. I have been also known to do this with Google. Even the other night in a drunken haze I had forgotten someone’s name who I was talking to all night (and most definitely remember and would know in any other context), and I had to do a Twitter search quickly in the bathroom. So WATCH me on my phone, I’m sneaky and resourceful. And also a big fat liar.
5. If I like you a lot, dating rules go out the door: I will text you. Funny things I see, or just saying what’s up. I am good at the games until I really like you. Then I am bad at censoring myself. Especially when it’s a Friday or Saturday night. It is highly likely you will receive a 2 AM "Hey." text message from me. If I do not receive a response, this will more than likely be followed by another "?" text. Depending on how long we’ve been seeing each other, this might be followed with a "Fucking Brutal". Little drunk Breanna doesn’t like it when she doesn’t get her way. I also send drunk emails. And make sure you don’t bring them up in person, as I get sheepish and get "shameover". I almost always regret it the next morning, and it will be followed with an apology as soon as I get the chance, but with some, it’s too late and they think I’m a complete maniac crazy psycho. I really believe I am not. If you don’t have thick skin, or don’t think I’m cute enough to get away with it, we will never last. Also, if you are my ex, be prepared for a few late night booty calls.
2. I talk way too much: I hate awkward silences. So I fill them with potentially awkward conversation. I also have a problem where if I really like you, I will talk about myself a lot in efforts to try and convince you I am super awesome. It’s not because I’m disinterested in you, I just want to make sure you are interested in me. Usually this is counterproductive and you think I am conceited. Most of the times, I just don’t know what else to say (which is a sign of a bad date typically). Also, the more number 1 up there I get, the more this happens.
3. I will bring up ex boyfriends: Again, this is usually a sign of a bad date all together, but if the conversation is lulling, and I can’t think of anything else to talk about, my ex boyfriends slip into the conversation. At this point, a red light should be going off, because this likely means I am comparing you to them. Which is a huge date mistake. I have some pretty hot cool ex boyfriends. I don’t give you a fair chance.
4. I lie: I have NO idea why I do this one, but almost every single date I lie about at least SOMETHING. Nothing crazy huge, like dealbreaker stuff, but the stupidest shit. That’s why I don’t get why I do it. My last lie was definitely pretending to know the band Atlas Sound when it was playing. He said "do you like these guys?", and instead of doing the logical thing and saying "I like this song, who are they?", nooo of course I needed to sound cool and said "Oh yeah, I love them. Great album". Then, when he went to the bathroom I quickly pulled out Shazaam on my iPhone and figured out who they were so I could not sound like an idiot. I have been also known to do this with Google. Even the other night in a drunken haze I had forgotten someone’s name who I was talking to all night (and most definitely remember and would know in any other context), and I had to do a Twitter search quickly in the bathroom. So WATCH me on my phone, I’m sneaky and resourceful. And also a big fat liar.
5. If I like you a lot, dating rules go out the door: I will text you. Funny things I see, or just saying what’s up. I am good at the games until I really like you. Then I am bad at censoring myself. Especially when it’s a Friday or Saturday night. It is highly likely you will receive a 2 AM "Hey." text message from me. If I do not receive a response, this will more than likely be followed by another "?" text. Depending on how long we’ve been seeing each other, this might be followed with a "Fucking Brutal". Little drunk Breanna doesn’t like it when she doesn’t get her way. I also send drunk emails. And make sure you don’t bring them up in person, as I get sheepish and get "shameover". I almost always regret it the next morning, and it will be followed with an apology as soon as I get the chance, but with some, it’s too late and they think I’m a complete maniac crazy psycho. I really believe I am not. If you don’t have thick skin, or don’t think I’m cute enough to get away with it, we will never last. Also, if you are my ex, be prepared for a few late night booty calls.
hilarity. enjoy.