"you've just gotta fight your way through"

"nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. all of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. but there is this gap. for the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. it’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. but your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. and your taste is why your work disappoints you. a lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. we know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. we all go through this. and if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. it is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. and I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. it’s gonna take awhile. it’s normal to take awhile. you’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
- Ira Glass
via
feeling a bit like this lately... and fighting through it. 
oh. also. if you've never listened to Ira on this american life, stop what you're doing, and go check out the podcasts he contributed to now. they're life changing.

currently in love with....

midlake... specifically their 2nd album 'the trials of van occupanther'.
stonecutters made them from stones | chosen specially for you and I  |  who will live inside | the mountaineers gathered tender | piled high | in which to take along | driving many miles, knowing they'd get here | when they got here, all exhausted | on the roof leaks they got started | and now when the rain comes | we can be thankful | ooh aah ooh | when the mountaineers | saw that everything fit, they were | glad and so they took off | thought we were devoid | a change or two | around this place | when they get back they're all mixed up with no one to stay with | the village used to be all one really needs | that's filled with hundreds and hundreds of | chemicals that mostly surround you | you wish to flee but it's not like you | so listen to me, listen to me | oh, oh, oh and when the morning comes | we will step outside | we will not find another man inside | we like the newness, the newness of all | that has grown in our garden soaking for so long | whenever I was a child I wondered what if my name had changed into something more productive like Roscoe | been born in 1891 | waiting with my Aunt Rosaline | thought we were devoid | a change or two | around this place | when they get back they're all mixed up with no one to stay with | 1891 | they looked around the forest | they made their house from cedars | they made their house from stones | oh, they're a little like you, and | they're a little like me | when they're falling me | thought we were devoid | a change or two | around this place | (this place) | (this place) | when they get back they're all mixed up with no one to stay with(when they get back they're all mixed up with no one to stay with)

eating in cuba

warning: super nerdy entry - even if you skip the UBER nerd portion about agriculture in cuba. if you like fashion and music, please disregard. i won't be upset.
in booking a trip to cuba, i was excited. not many do i admire more than che, and not many places have i wanted to travel more than the small country who stood up to the US. though this wasn't a political trip i was taking, i was excited by it... small bits of rebellion, right?
but like i do everytime i book a trip somewhere, i then began thinking of the food. since food, and the food that i eat, and the way in which we as a society consume it, is such an important part of my life, it's also a fundamental part of my travel plans - no matter where i'm going. 
so, when all i've heard of food in cuba is how awful it is, i was worried. since i'm mostly vegan, i was worried i'd be left with a week's worth of cassava, and rice (which actually, isn't horrible).
here's where 'm going to get super, SUPER food nerd. please feel free to skip to below, where i get back to food.
after '94 (without a huge history lesson here), the government lifted it's ban on monopoly food supply to local populations, and farmers were permitted to sell their excess to the local population. additionally, most of the agriculture in cuba is organic, and for reasons other than it being trendy - they have such restricted access to fertilizer and pesticides, farming is done naturally, out of necessity. cuba only relies on imports for about 16% of their food overall (which is an outrageously low amount of import, for a country whose access to fertilizer and water is so limited). it's important not to confuse this with statistics that state that approx. 85% is imported for rations - this amount refers only to the food that is specifically distributed through the government for ration cards. it's likely urban agriculture that helps out with this.... go urban agriculture! since they went through their loss of trade relations (again, sorry, short history blurb), and their plummet of success in agriculture, they've thrived after figuring it out their own way - and now show the best food production (in growth and sustained production) in the carribean and latin america. as with anything, this is all highly debated - some say that food rations should end, some are aghast at the fact that 70% of the land that should be used for agriculture isn't being used... but where you fall, tends to depend on which side of the political spectrum you more heavily relate to.
ok. enough nerdiness (THOUGH, if you want more, there's a REALLY great article on their transition, and exploration of co-ops and their 'peasant sector' here. seriously nerdy but seriously great reading). 
those who skimmed above, you can start reading again. 
in essence, cuba is incredibly self sufficient (except when faced with devestating hurricanes, storms, and other gutting disasters). so, surprisingly, i'll be eating a wide variety of foods while there. supporting home grown. things i'll be focusing on while on vacation (i'm probably eating them right now, as you're reading!), based what i've discovered:
citrus: cuba is the world's 3rd largest producer of grapefruit. which means FRESH JUICE GALORE. it's also the first area of agriculture in which foreign invvestment took place... in 1991.
tropical fruits (duh): plaintains (one of my all time FAVES), bananas, avocado, coconut, pineapple. heaven. tropical fruits account for approx. 70% of local production, AND plantains and bananas are produced purely for domestic consumption.... no exporting. pretty awesome.
fish and seafood: have been identified as a huge export commodity for cuba. which means it's plentiful, and sustainable. shrimp, spiny lobster, and reef fish. i'm all about that.
food is such a crazy important part of what we rely on for the enjoyment of an experience. and yet, people rarely take into consideration where that food comes from, and how it is obtained. i'm always interested to hear where people think their food in canada came from. the beef they eat, the grains they're cooking. more often than not, they believe it's homegrown... and i am always quick to correct them - most often, it's not. 
and, of course, some of their lowest imported foods - eggs, vegetables, sugar, and starchy roots.
i guess the true test of food will be whether i come home bigger or smaller. i LOVE carribean food. i'm gonna gorge all over some plantains.

leaving on a jet plane

everyone told me not to go to cuba. 
i've never ever been good at listening.
i'm off to cuba for a week, with a handsome man. so until then, happy snow all y'all canadian folk. and i've left you with small smatterings of things i'm currently in love with.
to returning with stories, and photos of fun. 

my (late) weekend in summary

sorry friends - i've been working hard to get work ready for me to leave, and PACK for my trip. so my weekend in summary post took a bit of a back seat. my apologies.... and for this lackluser post, with little to no description of what i actually did this weekend. nevertheless, this weekend was subtly amazing. nothing fancy. just pure, wonderful, toronto fun.
thursday eve drinks on robbie burns eve; a project present for a dear friend; mini arm party with vintage silver, simple cord and copper, and my little skulls; friday was a glum, yet lovely day; can't stop the rock; pulling out with the win; school yard - ball playing prohibited (via); viet subs; gimmie. my new starbucks name. 
friday: after a late work day, i met jeff for some sushi for dinner, and then we headed off to the ACC to meet my sister kelly and a friend for a toronto rock game. we grabbed some drinks, and managed to turn jeff (the non-sports fan) onto the wonderful game of lacrosse. once the game was over, and the rock had won (hurrah!) we wandered around for a bit, trying to find a place to sit and have a drink. finally ended up at hoops (super classy, i know), where we had a drink, a quick (small) bite to eat, and then wandered back home.
saturday: woke up late(ish), and had some breakfast, along with some tv. i've recently become addicted to twin peaks, so needless to say, this weekend had it's fair share of twin peaks gawking. then, we wandered downtown for some shopping for our trip - new sunglasses ("awwww you got matching sunglasses!"; "ummm... nope. those men's ones are for me too"), some travel sized things, and other boring shopping requirements when you're leaving the country. i introduced jeff to vietnamese subs (which is a large part of my life force, so i insist everyone should try them), and we had lunch that both of us were totally enraptured in. we then headed home, for some packing, organizing, cleaning, and cooking/eating. after a quick nap, we got up and ready to head out for steve's birthday.... downtown at their new place. hopped on the streetcar, and arrived on time for some good 'ole fashioned house party fun. at around 11:30, we all hopped in cabs (in the staggered way that house party guests do), and headed down to andy pool hall for a dance party celebration. super awesome dj meant super awesome rap/dubstep dance party (the BEST). stopped for burritos on the way home, and sat in bed watching twin peaks, and eating mexican before falling asleep WAY too late.
sunday: woke up in decent time, and after a quick shower, breakfast, tv watching, we headed to IKEA to wander. great sunday late afternoon activity. i did pick up a few things - including a gift for my neice for her 2nd birthday (SCARY), and then wandered to the grocery store for some pizza ingredients. homemade pizza, twin peaks, and then finishing my outfit choices for packing. perfect sunday night.
hope everyone stayed warm, and enjoyed the weekend!